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Author Topic:   An (Un)happy Wicca

posted 11-5-2001 01:10 AM
       

Yes, hello. Good evening. I would please like to know why nobody bothered to show up for my Winter Solstice party.

I know WS doesn't officially kick off for another three weeks, possibly four - but I can personally confirm that each of you received an Evite, that it was read, and that one or more of you clicked CMD or CTRL-W to dismiss the window.

You might remember my exact instructions: arrive around seven o'clock.

Not eight o'clock, not nine o'clock, certainly not never o'clock. I was already running behind, and if I'd gotten any sort of response throughout the course of the day, I might have planned a little better.

Do you know how many Wiccan kings there were? Hint: AROUND SEVEN.
Let me tell you something. I refuse to base my life exclusively upon and around consumptive corporational consumerism.

Had I been aware you folks had other plans, I would have prioritized my tasks more efficiently. Or slowed my frantic pace down a little. Or just not bothered.

posted 11-5-2001
01:13 PM
        
What did you miss?

WELL GEE WHIZ!!! Quite a lot, I'm afraid! The path to my front door was garnished with yellow and orange leaves to celebrate the presence of autumn, my favorite time of year.

I had about three dozen Wiccan candles lit up. These are beeswax candles, not regular candles. They're very expensive and difficult to locate.

I don't know much about Wiccan bees, but I wasn't going to be caught unprepared if one of them, say, chose to RSVP? Like I suggested we all do?

Oh yes! I'd laid forth an immense buffet of snacks and imported beers & wines (spirits) which I paid for myself. Show me a "witch" and I'll show you an excellent host.

It would have been free food and drink all night long, WiCcA StYLe under a wintery solstice moon. Imagine an extra-large bowl of Chex party mix just like the Wiccans served the Pilgrims all those centuries ago.

posted 11-5-2001
01:15 PM
        
I have to say the most difficult emotion to process was the hope. The hoping that someone - anyone - would show up. I actually had myself convinced.

I followed one couple just to see if maybe they were talking about me, but I think they were talking about going to the store.
posted 11-5-2001 01:18 AM
        

Not like hoping ever makes two shits of difference, I suppose. YOU ALL JUST AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED AN EVITE IN YOUR INBOX MUST EQUAL SPAM.

Can't you people look at the subject header and make an effort to deduce from there who your friends are? Do you even know how to do that? Try hitting CTRL-H every once in awhile. H is for HEADER.

I won't waste time sharing with you the bittersweet ironies of watching every last candle melt down like a limp dick into the fibers of my carpet. The entire evening yielded only an enormous puddle of spread-out, hard beeswax.

So I had to fire up an iron just to make the wax soft enough to scrape up with a butter knife & toilet paper for the next five hours. Plus, it was my mom's old clonky iron which doesn't work. Then I went to bed.


posted 11-6-2001 02:45 PM
       

BUT THE JOKE'S ON YOU!!!

I possessed the foresight to purchase a brand-new Matrix DVD, which I'm about to view. I thought it might be more symbolic to screen this classic for all the guests at midnight.. but.. DOT DOT DOT.
In conclusion: I am more than dismayed by your collective lacks of spirituality. Winter Solstice comes but once a year and it's no exaggeration to suggest that each of you is directly responsible for ruining my holiday.

May the sorcery be with you.

---> NEO <---

Reminder: Harry Potter movie & potluck at my house in 2 weeks! BE THERE!!!

posted 11-6-2001 02:48 PM
       
1. GO TO BED

2. KILL YOURSELF