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Self Contained
Making friends, working hard, and actively pursuing personal goals.
Mon Apr 8 2002 3:28pm
The Christmas Time Suicide Balloon
CONSUMER ALERT: Are our Christmas Time Suicide Balloons safe?
Fri Dec 14 2001 2:24pm
Nobody Came To My Winter Solstice Party
I'm not accusing anyone, just asking why and what gives.
Mon Nov 5 2001 9:49pm
Rhapsody In Yellow
Weather supercenter forecast: clear skies with light patches of severe thunderstorms.
Tue Oct 30 2001 10:00am
The Chinese Sticks
For my first trick, I must ask for nothing less than complete silence.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:39am
There's A Girl I Like
Prayer thoughts for high school boys of dating age.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:34am
Manage Your Web Dollars!
Understanding Cyberspace presents a rotating panel of tech leaders and industry professionals.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
Banana Peel Snarls Southbound Lanes
The first victim was a 21 year old perfume and fragrance retailer.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
You Sure Are Stupid
A collection of found photographs with accompanying poignant sentiment.
Mon Oct 22 2001 12:26am
Crashing and Burning
Yes! We have recommendations for you in tech support jokes, abortion gags, and toilet humor.
Sun Oct 21 2001 1:37am
The Javascript Doctor
I'm back, refreshed - and ready to tackle your questions! Won't you open your hearts and let me in?
Thu Oct 18 2001 11:22pm
Helium Dreammakers Inc.
3444 Pine Street #200
Chicago, IL 40812

Attn: Complaints Bureau

Dear Sirs/Madams:

I'm writing today because I recently purchased one of your discontinued catalog items, the Christmas Time Suicide Balloon (product code SB3439).
You'll notice I'm still here, healthy enough to compose this correspondence. How about that? I'm living proof your Suicide Balloon has failed to meet even my lowest expectations.
I'll be the first to admit: I was suckered in by the TV ad which starts by depicting a bunch of kids at a private Christmas rave, presumably on E, excitedly wrapping multicolored ribbons around their necks and executing the latest dance maneuvers.
If I was supposed to identify with these idiots, I guess I failed. I watched with complete disgust, intrigued only by the length of time these images were broadcast around the world at a rate of however many millions of dollars per second per second.
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